Why Women Like Dirty Talk

Choose a Girl

Reading is sexy.Erotic literature is a goldmine for dirty talk. It’s kind of like having training wheels until you feel confident enough to ditch the book and fly solo. Think of yourself as a narrator.If you find yourself at a loss for words, there’s an easy remedy. Start narrating what you’re doing to your partner’s body and how they make you feel. That doesn’t mean you have to go full-on David Attenborough–style nature documentary (that said, if roleplay is your thing …).

If you think you ‘messed up’ or just aren’t feeling it

• This article is actually Chapter 3 of the Dirty Talking Guide.
• Surprise is the key, so you need to keep pushing the envelope.
• Cock and pussy are good, acceptably filthy places to start.

Use words like baby, honey, sexy, dirty boy/girl, or anything else you find arousing. Even calling your partner out by their name can work them up in bed. Nothing gets a person going quite like a round of dirty text messages or phone sex.

Start by flirting with your partner

But in the context of the bedroom, words that would otherwise feel infantilizing or degrading can feel gender-affirming or deliciously forbidden. Likewise, it’d be pretty weird to call anyone your master, mistress, or goddess outside the bedroom. But in the bedroom, it can imbue you or your partner with a sense of power and confidence that’s just plain hot.

However, a recent study I conducted on sexual fantasies helps to shed light on it. Eros says incorporating dirty talk into phone sex is one way to get more comfortable with it. Hop on the phone while you’re masturbating, and describe what’s happening to your partner through voice or text messages; go step by step, and outline exactly what you’re doing, how it feels, and how it looks. “You’ll soon start to realize what kinds of words, phrases, or scenarios turn you on the most,” says Eros. If you’re the one who feels awkward or cringes at the idea of talking dirty yourself, but you find it hot when others do it, know that learning some tips for exactly how to talk dirty can help. “That discomfort may just be a reflection of the fact that you lack experience saying things aloud, without a filter, or intentionally to titillate a partner,” says LGBTQ+ expert and counselor Kryss Shane, LMSW.

Ideally, sex is fun and fulfilling, and acknowledging phrasing that didn’t quite land or titillate as it was intended is one way to take some pressure off and keep things light. “It’s not only okay if there’s laughter during sex, it’s great,” says Harris. “Sex should be playful. I encourage people to stop putting pressure on sex and dirty talk and just giggle.” Role play might make it easier for you to try out dirty talk if it’s something out of your comfort zone. That way you can practice dirty talk phrases and test the waters of how kinky and sexy the two of you can get in the bedroom. Secondly, dirty talking with your partner is incredibly hot and arousing to your man if you do it the right way.

After all, experts say erotic banter enhances sex for both speaker and listener. And the fact that some have coined terms like lalochezia (using vulgar language to relieve tension) and laliophilia (arousal from public speaking) suggests there’s something to this sex-and-speech link. In [the TV show] Never Have I Ever, there’s a scene where Paxton comes into Devi’s room one night and they kiss for the first time.

“Remember that words we hate in a non-sexual context take on a whole different meaning and feeling in sexual relationships,” says Horn. “Part of the thrill is using sort of edgy, boundary-pushing epithets that we can reclaim through sex.” Marin suggests trying to read either already written erotica or what you wrote down out loud to yourself in the mirror. It’s a great exercise in getting comfortable with the vulnerability of vocalizing your desires from the comfort of your own company.